i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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