well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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