You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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