i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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