I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Couch. On fire.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
