Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize