Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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