They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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