i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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