I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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