So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
dude. I can hear the air.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
