Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
