Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
