i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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