The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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