Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
well you can't waste a boner
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
