the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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