I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
