You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
