Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize