She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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