and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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