We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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