I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm like, not good at living.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
