Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
