someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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