so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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