my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
