I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
