Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
