So drunk its hurt
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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