You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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