I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
