if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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