so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
