I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
