Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
