yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
