Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Terrible idea I love it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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