i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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