New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
