You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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