why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
