I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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