I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dignity is for republicans.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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