I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
