tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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