People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
