All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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