we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
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I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize