I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
