I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
