I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dick very happy bro
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
