just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
