I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
