my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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