I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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