She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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